How crucial is it for friends and family to check in on mental health?

Tyler Smith has returned to Saskatchewan and is promoting mental health awareness. Almost seven years after the Humboldt Broncos bus crash, Smith continues to share his story of recovery. Smith sits down with the Green Zone’s Jamie & Locker to talk about why it’s ok to be not ok.

Smith is also the guest speaker at the Saskatchewan Construction Safety Association  AGM and also the winner of Amazing Race Canada with his now-fiancée, Kat.

Listen to Tyler Smith on The Green Zone here:

GREEN ZONE: Last time we spoke, Kat was still waiting for you to pop the question, Tyler, so how’d that come about?

TYLER SMITH: Oh, well, it came about. We were in Mexico, actually, and I figured probably now or never. So I was on the beach. And, of course, you planned this whole lovely, extravagant engagement, and then there were 100-kilometre winds that ruined our little sunset dinner. And another little situation happened. So it was far from what was planned, but it turned into a magical evening on the beach in Mexico, and now we never look back, and we’re on our way to the September 20 wedding day.

I got to give you credit because you did the Amazing Race before you got married.

SMITH: And I’ll be straight up with you. I’ve probably told hundreds of people now that it is such a litmus test for your relationship, and that was the perfect indicator that, all right, if we can get through that, then we’re hopefully set.

I noticed on the Save the Date video that you have the markings on the crib board. Who’s the better crib player? I saw Kat score. I didn’t see yours on there, Tyler.

I’m glad that they just showed Kat’s score, because if you saw my score, you’d say, Wow, that’s a bit more. I taught her to play crib, and we started on our first European trip together. I probably beat her 80 times in a row on the trains in Europe, travelling from country to country. And I’m glad to say that she’s really rebounded, and she’s a great player now, but I still have the total life season series.

Tyler, you’re coming back to Saskatchewan with the SCSA, they’re doing a major focus on just construction industry safety, but on that, mental health awareness. How important is it? As you continue to see more and more industries get behind mental health awareness?

There have been a lot of changes in the last couple of years. We talk so much about our youth, and our youth really need it as well.

But, even on this weekend for the Construction Safety Association, I mean, there can be a lot of parents in the room, and a lot of parents who have had to try and navigate everything. Whether that is just work, life, or whether that is, there’s just so much going on and it’s hard to step up and take those necessary steps.

Put yourself first. For me, I’m the farthest thing from an expert, and I know I won’t do this for the rest of my life, but for right now, I’ve started to understand that, through my storytelling, I hope that I can get an industry that’s maybe a little bit more rough and tough and a little bit more, stigma attached on the mental health side of things, to start thinking about things in a little bit of a different light and and use my perspective over the last seven years to shed something on them, and it’s important, but it’s still, still need a lot of work. And I mean, I’m still stubborn with myself too, in my own struggles. But I know how important it is to take those steps and really put yourself first, and it’s hard.

What is it that you can tell somebody about taking that first step?

At the end of the day, in a lot of things, the first step is always the most difficult one. especially in the mental health world, there’s an area or a layer added to it. And my uncle said it perfectly. He said little and often makes much.

We have this misconception that, like, the first step has to be, like, this massive, huge, like just like life-changing step. But, understanding that that little step can look a lot different for everybody, and in this wild world of mental health, like, just like truly getting to the nitty gritty of it, and just like taking the small steps day in and day out, will have a profound effect on you, but it’s also it’s difficult because there’s no playbook to this. There’s no necessarily right or wrong way to do this. At the end of the day, that first step for a lot of people just looks like admitting that you need help. And that’s probably arguably the three most difficult, challenging, unique words to say to yourself as an individual. Even though this is our life and our journey, we still have a hard time putting ourselves first and doing that and asking for help and leaning on each other. But, yeah, in a lot of ways, that little and often makes much, and I know right or wrong way to do it is advice that I always kind of lean on.

April 6, the Humboldt Broncos bus crash anniversary. How have you been able to cope over the years?

There’s been a lot going on, there’s been a lot of change that has happened, and there’s been a lot of ups and downs, but really, it’s understanding that you can connect with a lot of people that you never thought you’d connect with.

It took a while for me, but I honestly think I am starting to lean on my people a little bit. And it’s funny because I go up and talk, share my story and it is obviously difficult, but, in a lot of ways, I hope that it’s a constant reminder for people to never forget.

That’s just something that, when you lose somebody in this life, you never want people to forget. Obviously ours is on a much larger scale and impacted so many, so many people. I don’t think we’ll ever have an issue with that. But selfishly, every time I go up there, it’s still a way for that audience to acknowledge that day and acknowledge those beautiful souls we lost that day.

I know there’s a timeline to this for me, because it’s not the easiest thing in the world. But I know there are some amazing people in this world, and I know what we can do when we come together. And I mean, we felt that, we felt that love and support. We still do; it’s kind of me giving back hope, and, hopefully, through that story and that perspective and everything, it can really get people acknowledging that day, but also acknowledging their own story.

It’s been an interesting seven years to say the least, but obviously, difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. And there’s been, there’s been some beautiful destinations that have come, and there’s been some amazing, amazing movements and foundations and everything created. And it just goes to show that some incredible legacies are, we never want people to forget.

How important has gratitude been for you on this journey?

It’s been a more pivotal piece over the last couple of years, like originally. It’s you with that gratitude aspect of things like having that relationship after going through such a dark time and such struggles, it’s hard, but it’s something that I’ve started to rely on more and more.

Even if it’s five minutes before bed, sometimes, I just write down things that I’m grateful for and I don’t want to be that person who preaches, you’ve got to be grateful for everything. Gratitude is the most important thing.

It’s allowed me to embrace what we had with that group a little bit more as well, and understanding grief is one of the most profound forms of love to have loved and to have lost. thinking about that quote and turning it into like that group was so special and  I want to continue to feel that joy in different ways in my life, of like what we felt in that room every day.

I can never speak for them, but that they would kind of want to kind of feel the same way and go out and experience that and hopefully sprinkle in what we had in that room because of Darcy. Into other groups and other dressing rooms in our lives. And, yeah, gratitude has helped me, and it’s still something that. I can’t say that I’m 100 per cent all in on gratitude, but as I take more and more steps in the gratitude space,  it’s important for me. It’s not for everybody.

What is it like to see those legacies continue, and especially see some of your teammates’ successes in life?

It’s just profound, like, it’s, it brings you so much joy to see that Lane gets to drop the puck between his two favourite players, at that game. It’s what it’s all about. I’m just so happy to be the biggest cheerleader for our people. A

nd whether it’s Jacob Wassermann at the Paralympics, whether it’s Ryan Straschnitzki continuing to try and achieve the Paralympics, and him, still on his speaking tour, whether it’s guys getting married.

One of my best friends from that day got married last summer, and it brings so much joy to see these individuals happy after knowing what a lot of us went through. A

I see Chris Joseph is coaching in a league in Edmonton, and he just won the championship with his team 15 new division. I’m just so happy for them. That’s something that we all, I hope we all get to, like, experience those types of joy again. Because after everything that we’ve all gone through, especially those incredible families that lost somebody that day, I hope that that joy comes to them, and I hope that they’re able to fully embrace it, and I hope that we can just cheer them on constantly. It just goes a long way, and it goes a long way and makes them feel,  grateful for that joy. It just, it’s, it brings you so much fulfillment knowing that they get to experience this, and like they are they’re doing it, and like they are resilient, and like they’re constantly leaders in my life.

How important is it for friends and family to check in?

I’ve been trying to preach that. I’m trying to make people realize a small text, a small call some days, coming up on seven years, I’ve been saying this lately in my speeches, people have no idea how good it feels when people text you on those days.

It’s hard in a lot of ways, but you don’t have to get into this whole long-winded conversation of, ‘How are you doing? talk to me,’ but just letting people know. Not a lot of us are experts in this world, in this space, but just that simple text sometimes of ‘Listen, man, I don’t know if this is a tough day or not for you, but, I’m thinking and sending love.’

It can be so simple and so short, but it can go such a long way. It helps that person on the other side be like, ‘All right, when I’m ready, I know that person’s in my corner.’

Resources:

The Kids Help Phone is available 24-7 at 1-800-668-6868, or text 686868. Adults can access Saskatoon Mobile Crisis 24-7 at 306-933-6200. Mental health support is also available at 306-655-7777 in Saskatoon or at HealthLine 811.

This interview has been edited for clarity and readability.