How do I talk to my kids about the Saskatoon student set on fire?

Warning: This story may contain details that are disturbing to some readers. The Kids Help Phone is available 24-7 at 1-800-668-6868, or text 686868. Adults can access Saskatoon Mobile Crisis 24-7 at 306-933-6200. Mental health support is also available at 306-655-7777 in Saskatoon or at HealthLine 811.

It was a traumatic start to the school year at Evan Hardy Collegiate in Saskatoon on Thursday after a 15-year-old student was set on fire inside.

Classes were cancelled on Friday and will also be cancelled on Monday. Counselling has been made available to all students and staff at the school to help them deal with the aftermath of the horrific attack.

A 14-year-old student appeared in Saskatoon Provincial Court on Friday charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault and arson in relation to the attack, which left some students shocked and scared.

An online fundraiser set up for the victim, who is in hospital in Edmonton surrounded by family, surpassed a total of $50,000 on Sunday.

Saskatoon psychologist Dr. Adam Stacey said it’s important that parents create a safe place their children feel comfortable in when talking to them about the attack.

Create a safe space

“So that they (the children) can feel free to express their thoughts and feelings about what has happened,” Stacy said. “Just acknowledging the event in a really straightforward and reassuring manner can be helpful.”

Stacey said it is important to ask open-ended questions when talking with your kids about an event like this.

“Things like ‘how do you feel about what happened?’ or ‘do you have any questions?’,” said Stacey.

“Another thing parents can do is try to tailor their responses to their child’s age and maturity level.”

Kids ‘love routine’

Stacey believes the most valuable thing parents can do is to keep kids in their normal routine.

“Kids love routine, even when they rebel against it a little bit,” said Stacey. “But providing that sense of reassurance of safety, of normalcy to the highest degree possible, those things are all really helpful to help kids regulate.”

For kids who may have directly witnessed the events at Evan Hardy Collegiate, Stacey said there is a wide variety of emotions they may feel.

“Fear, but also anger or sadness,” said Stacey. “They might feel really afraid of going back to school.”

Some kids may not want to speak about what happened, so Stacey suggested journal entries, art or even exercise.

Stacey did encourage students to open up to someone, even if it is just a bit because it is a really difficult situation for everyone involved.

If your child approaches you, Stacey said it’s important to be validating.

“If we can say ‘it makes sense that you’re feeling like that’ that can leave the door open to some of those conversations down the line.”

Stacey said the counselling offered by the school is a really good idea and this should be a priority.

“This can be a really scary thing to go through,” said Stacey. “Access to mental health care is important.”

Stacey also said there is no right or wrong way to feel about the incident, that healing takes time and can’t be rushed.

— With CKOM files

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